Adventures in Critterland

Okay... Some of you may know that I'm a sucker for a stray. Do you think I'd deliberately go out and get three dogs and seven cats?

This morning, I stumbled into the kitchen to get coffee only to realize I hadn't set the pot up last night. (Whoever invented coffee pots with timers is a saint in my book.) The reason I didn't set up the coffee was simple. I was out of water. No, I didn't forget to pay my bill. I refuse to consume the tap water where I live. I prefer my water clear; not brown. I drink, cook and make coffee only with bottled water.

So anyway, the water was in the car. I'd forgotten to bring it in yesterday. It's dark out--5:30 AM--and my neighbors are not early risers. Instead of actually putting on something decent, I wander out to the car in my nightgown. Not that I wear sexy bedclothes but if I bend over in that particular gown, we'd have a full moon early!

As I'm getting water out of the car, I hear a weird sound coming from down the driveway. I see Tom Tom, my yellow cat, and he's either chewing something or he's injured his mouth. It's dark, remember? I snuck up on him, grabbed him and took him near the carport light. Since I didn't have my reading glasses on, I couldn't make out what was wrong! I wasn't taking him in the house and I definitely wasn't touching the bloody mass around his mouth without a napkin or paper towel.

I put him down and ran in the house. Mistake. You know the old saying, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"? Tom Tom is a firm believer in it... He wasn't letting me near him.

So picture this, if you will... An overweight middle aged woman in flip flops and a too short night shirt running around in the pre-dawn darkness with a flashlight and a handful of napkins, yelling at a stubborn pain in the ass cat. After the chase led through the yard half a dozen times and around the car until I was dizzy, I went back in the house and got the big ammunition. That's right, ladies and gents, a can of cat food.

One pop of the top and the little shit in question bounded into the house, plopped the bloodied remains of what I can only assume was a mouse in the middle of the floor and pounced on the canned cat food.You see, Tom Tom is also known as Toothless Tom. It would have taken days for him to gnaw that mouse down to something he could swallow. The cat food is much easier to eat.

Now why I didn't think of that twenty minutes earlier... Well, I blame it on a lack of coffee.

Tonight, the coffee pot will be set up on the timer.