Happy Birthday to Me?

I'm older today. Don't feel older. Why doesn't fifty feel inherently different than thirty? Well, it does some. I have aches and pains I didn't have when I was thirty. Arthritis, a bum knee and a cantankerous hip make life more painful than at thirty. Then again, I still had migraines back then. I seem to have outgrown those. Might be a fair trade off.

Still, I don't feel fifty.

My sister is in shock I'm even admitting to a birthday, much less my age. *cackle* Members of our family usually ignore birthdays and do serious injury to those who might remind us of the significance of the day.

I had trouble accepting thirty. Couldn't say the word for months before and after the event. Forty was actually easier although I didn't admit to having a birthday. And now fifty... Well, I don't look at the numbers as much as I do where I am in my life.

At thirty, I was in a marriage with real problems. I was going to night school working on my accounting degree, working long hours at a new job. I didn't have much of a personal life. Most of my friends were tied up in my marriage and they were starting to drift away. Married friends don't like watching someone else's marriage implode. Makes them examine their own and if it wasn't strong... Well, it is uncomfortable.

At forty, I already had moved back to Arkansas, leaving the bad marriage behind five years before. I was in a job I enjoyed. My degree was FINALLY done and I was making a salary commensurate with my experience AND my degree! Things were good. Life was good.

At fifty? Hmmm... You'd think being only part-time employed, living from hand to mouth off royalty checks, would make me ignore fifty even more than thirty, wouldn't you? But while things are difficult, I've found what I want to do when I grow up. I want to write! So far from that accounting degree that took me forever to get! *cackle* But I never felt joy working as an accountant. I took pride in my work. I enjoyed the people I worked with. But who gets a rush of joy so strong it can bring you to tears over financial statements?

So while I'm older, mostly unemployed and always broke these days, I'm happy. I'm really happy. So much so not even fifty can dampen my enthusiasm!